I'm Too Sexy
by MissCloud
Summary: The Joker is once again interrogated by Batman... but said clown finds a way to spice it up a little. Slash. Joker/Batman


XD I don't know where this came from, I was just really bored one day. Contains nudity (but not in detail), Slash, and a little OOCness from Batman, although in his situation, I'm sure he would act like that o.o

This is crack and not to be taken seriously!

_Italics:_ Thinking, Singing

Much thanks to PeechTao for betaing :)

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**I'm Too Sexy**

Those familiar, cold stone walls were a scene the Joker had seen so often he knew how many bricks there were in the room. Nine-hundred-and-twenty-eight all counted with perfection. Now he sat waiting in boredom for his interrogation, probably from Batman as usual because all the cops were shit scared of him, he found there was nothing else exciting in the room to do. Well, actually, there was, but he didn't fancy trying to climb the wall with handcuffs on.

The door suddenly creaked open and his head shot up from the table, his black eyes narrowing in delight when it seemed his boredom would finally be broken. A good old talk with Batman would liven everything up a little.

The caped man who'd just walked in almost slammed the door shut behind him with his eyes still clasped on the Joker. The clown-faced man attempted to clap but his handcuffs stopped him, yet carried on anyway, the metal rattling away.

"Bravo, bravo, thank you for coming at last. I was beginning to think you'd stood me up!" Joker snickered as Batman walked up to him, not saying a word, before unlocking Joker's handcuffs for him. The Joker watched as he sat down opposite him. Batman was still scowling.

"I'm sure you get that a lot," Batman spat, unable to resist.

The Joker grinned, his red paint widening on his cheeks. "Funny. So cold and spine riddling you are, Batman." The Joker sighed with mockery in his tone. "Say, after this is done, I'd like my phone call, please."

The dark knight narrowed his eyes. This is what he got at every single interrogation; asking for his phone call, always the phone call. It was a bad joke to start off with, but using it _every_time was becoming overly used. Batman was always interested in who the Joker intended to call anyway, but had never actually asked it.

"Who you gonna call?"

"Ghostbusters!" The Joker yelled happily.

Batman snarled in annoyance, crunching down on his tongue. "Listen, Joker. I'm not here to play games!" He thought instantly that was a very stupid question to ask him. Extremely agitated, he leaned over the table in an attempt to frighten him. "Why did you kill that woman?"

The Joker coughed. After a while, being asked constant questions about his personal life was rather irritating and very, very boring. Instead he gasped, staring wide-eyed at Batman and the dark knight raised his eyebrow. "Oh, Batman... you have wonderful eyes..." He whispered in a jeer.

Batman bit his bottom lip, obviously trying to control his anger. He sent his fist down against the table. "Shut up. I want to know about the woman you shot. I heard she was... an exotic dancer?"

The Joker ignored him again. "Do you moisturize? Because your skin is so clear I can see my face in the pale radiance..." He grinned and waved. "Hello reflected me!"

"This is not a game!" Batman yelled, standing up. As his chair slid backwards it let out that chalk-on-the-board noise. "Answer the question!"

"Why? This is so boring. This has been bothering me for quite a while, though," The Joker leaned forward and with a serious face, paused for a few seconds, looking Batman up and down. He took a deep breath. "I mean, your . .. batsuit . . . looks really . . . tight!" He gestured with his hands. "So, like . . ." His eyes wandered briefly downwards. "How does your winky cope?"

Batman stared at him as if he'd just grown another head.

He continued. "Is there a special compartment for it? Or do you have some sort of . . . special batshaft where is disappears momentarily?"

Batman looked like he was about to kick him silly.

"What!? Well, you could, you have everything else bat-related." He protested, and then started to count off with his fingers. "Batreflector, batropes, probably a batenlarger..."

Batman's fist was sent into the table again and this time, the Joker stopped and stared up at him innocently.

"I don't want to hurt you." Batman snarled.

"You need to loosen up . . . this will never work," Joker shook his head and sighed. "How about a sing song to crack your face with a smile?" He began to sing to Batman's dismay and flailed his fingers around like an orchestra instructor. "_Oh I've got a lovely bunch of cocu-_"

"Don't say I didn't warn you," The billionaire in disguise approached the Joker with his fist in a ball. The Joker on the other hand was holding no fear in his eyes. Actually, he looked like he was about to burst out laughing in between his singing. Without much warning, a fist was sent full into the Joker's face, who abruptly stopped singing and let out a little grunt. To Batman's annoyance, he quickly recovered and started laughing.

"Aaaa-hahahaha! Woo!" The Joker held up his hands in mock defense as Batman was about to close in on him again. "Listen, listen, I want to show you something. If it makes you happy, it relates to that exotic woman I killed, all right? All right?" He slowly put down his hands and Batman bit his lip tensely again, deciding to give him a chance.

"So . . ." The Joker stood up and to Batman's wonder, touched his shoulder and led him back towards his chair. "You sit down and relax."

The caped crusader stared at the chair then back at the Joker, suspicion withering within his eyes.

"Heh, don't worry, this is no trick. This really does have something to do with that lady. I promise." Batman waited until the Joker went to the far side of the table then slumped himself down.

"A promise you should keep with your life. Another black eye would match the first perfectly." The hero calmly threatened.

Joker chuckled. "I'll reenact _everything._"

Batman couldn't help but think he was about to pull something, but obviously he was always alert so it was no bother to him. If the Joker tried anything funny, that was it. A beating was in order to forcibly extract information out of him.

The last thing Batman expected was the Joker to start doing some sort of sway-ish dance. And, of course, he did. Starting out very slowly, twirling his hips around in a slender little circle. Before he could physically stop the Joker and beat the crap out of him, something kept him froze to the spot when the Joker began to run his hands across his stomach and lyrics sailed out of his mouth.

"_I'm too sexy for my love _. . ." The Joker's voice was amazingly reformed into a low, husky tone. And Batman nearly choked. "_Too sexy for my love _. . ."

_What... in the name of Alfred's underpants is . . . he . . . doing?_

Rather taken aback, the masked man couldn't stop staring in astonishment and his eyebrows were raised farther than his forehead should normally allow. The big boys behind the two-way mirror found it disturbing, too. However, since Batman was the one interviewing, they didn't dare interfere.

"_Love's going to leave me_." The Joker did a little dramatic gesture with his hands as though something was escaping his very body. He suddenly threw his head back, running his steady hands down his chest and wiggling his thighs about.

Batman's jaw dropped.

Pulling out a chair, the Joker sexily ran his back against it then shot his leg on top, moving his body against it. "_I'm too sexy for my shirt... too sexy for my shirt... so sexy it . . ._" He breathed in deeply and spanked himself. ". . . _huuuuurts_."

Batman blinked.

Unsurprisingly, he was a very bad singer, but the low and deep voice he put on made up for it.

Suddenly the Joker shot his hands in the air and started beat-boxing the tune to the song through his wet lips. He went on for a while as he touched and scraped his claws down himself, twirling around in slow, slow circles, then when his back was faced to Batman, raised his hands in the air and shook his backside repeatedly. Left to right, right to left. Shaking, directly in Batman's face...

_Must . . . not . . . look . . . there . . ,_

Batman warned himself. Then suddenly when the Joker spun around, shifting his thighs into the air, portraying a very indulging pelvic thrust, the dark knight's eyes fell. _NO! NO! NOTE TO MIND, MUST TURN EYES AWAY NOW. MUST. NOT. LOOK. THERE. STOP. LOOKING. NOW. YOU. STUPID. BAT._

It didn't help that the Joker continued to do his thing, and each and every thrust got heavier and harder, the difficulty increasing. In and out, in and out, the motion happily slipped through Batman's wide eyes.

_For Christ sake! Never again will I trust you again, eyes,_

he mentally yelled at himself. He continued to stare against his will. To his relief the Joker stopped but then hovered back to front over the chair, his butt inches away from touching the seat. Instead it began to move around in a circle.

"_I'm too sexy for my car. Too sexy for my car- BRUM! Toooo sexy by faaaar_," He slurred. His hands held on the back of the chair for support and bent further other, giving Batman further viewing access.

Then, to the surprise of everyone watching, the Joker sat on the chair with his legs open, still jiggling about, and slowly untied his tie, swinging it off before sending it through the air and slapped it against the table like a whip. That alone sent some seriously bemused shivers down Batman's spine.

The Joker left it on the table and unbuttoned his jacket, sliding it smoothly from him and letting it drop to the floor.

Watching with a gaping face, Batman's eyes trickled onto the Joker's fingers which were fiddling with his shirt buttons. Every time one was loosened, part of his chest was exposed. All the while his black eyes were fixed on Batman.

Finally, when they were undone, the Joker stood and his loose shirt swung around freely. His smooth, pale chest now flashed through the room. He didn't have a six pack or anything close to it, but he was toned, and actually not as skinny as he looked usually. Instead he was much bigger and broad.

He slanted his figure to the side, still with his eyes on Batman (who looked scarred), and let the shirt glide to the ground, now revealing his full arms and the rest of his top half.

Oh, but it didn't stop there.

He missed a couple verses and started singing again, changing the lyrics slightly. "_I'm too sexy for my bat, too sexy for my bat . . . _" The dark knight had positively nearly wet himself by then. "_Poor batty poor batty bat . . ._"

He began to groove towards Batman, hips swinging, hands engrossing himself, strutting his legs and licking his lips. He took his finger in his mouth and sucked on it before wiping it down his chest.

Batman had effectively lost his voice.

The clown stopped in front of the stunned bat and watched his face turn pale in horror when he gripped himself then played with the rim of his pants teasingly, slapping his lips together. He tossed back his head and let out a loud gasp, hands falling close to his zipper.

"Zzzzzip!" The Joker snickered, just as he opened his fly.

The caped crusader nearly fell off his chair and had to grab the table to hold himself up, seriously worrying for his mental health. Everything about this was so wrong yet for some reason he could not stop him. He quickly scurried up, jumping off the chair and standing at the opposite end of the room, mortified.

Like that was going to stop the clown.

"_Down, down, my panties slide_," He sang, dropping his pants. Now his legs were bare, and after shrugging them off from around his feet, he was left with a very tight pair of underpants that came with an odd bulge.

Once again Batman had a fight with his mind. _You dare look there and I swear I'll . . . Oh for . . . I'm looking . . . I'm still looking . . . _

The caped crusader was becoming visibly hot and flustered, his cheeks burning red and amazingly enough sweat began to seep through his mask.

The Joker climbed on top of the table and that's when things really began. Dancing crazily, his hands in the air, seductively shaking his body about like an actual hen-party stripper. He moved like a pro, his legs shivering like jelly and saucily lifting his pelvis into a thrust.

"_I'm too sexy for my love _. . ." His hands shot down against his body, nails scraping against his chest and a sort of rasping noise escaped from him. White, visible nail marks on his chest that slithered all the way down to his stomach appeared where his hands were now placed.

His hips swung from side to side harshly like he was missing a joint, one leg bent, straight, then the other bent, then straight. His tongue was slurping outside his mouth and sending frightfully interesting looks at Batman. Suggestive as they were, the dark knight still didn't move, only stared in complete bewilderment.

"_Too sexy for my . . . luuuurve,_" Joker made an arch with his arms above his head, moving his head along to his own beat then slowly he brought his hands down, abruptly clasping them against the rim of his undies with a slap. Batman knew what was coming. And he was dreading it. He still actually couldn't believe what the maniac was doing.

He was the Joker, dancing half naked on a freaking table in the middle of an interrogation. It was beyond bizarre.

With a flick of the wrist and a loud, relieving sigh, Batman, once staring at the Joker's stripy underwear, realized they seemed to disappear and the scared bat found himself gaping at a very exposed Joker. For his part, the Joker was holding an unashamed grin and was still dancing around, determined to finish the last line. He swung his undies around before flinging them at Batman who rugby-dove out of the way as they hit the wall.

"_Love's going to leave me_." He continued, leaped off the table and managed to land across the hard floor unhurt in a crouch. He shimmied up slowly, hands rolling up his body from toe to head then stopped and pulled a pose.

"_And I'm too sexy for this song_!"

Police watching through the glass: ". . . "

Batman, with his jaw against the floor: ". . . "

For seconds, there was no clear effort made in communication. No voices heard and definitely no normal faces. Batman looked like bagpuss, that is, with his mouth shaped like a manhole and no visible indication he was going to speak any time soon.

The Joker coughed, scratching the back of his head then grinned wider.

All eyes were on him as the clown stood there, fully naked, raising his hand. He was the first to speak out of the two, unsurprisingly.

"And then..." He made a gun with his fingers and pointed it at Batman, one eye closed. He pulled back an invisible trigger. "Clunk-click-BANG! I shot her in her damn face. And that's what happened."

He said it so spontaneously.

Batman was speechless.

"Well now," Joker continued, grabbing his pants casually. "That was the most exciting interrogation I've ever had. Hey, let's do this again, sometime."

Batman stared. That little show, even though it had finished a good few minutes ago, was still playing around in his mind. He found himself unable to erase the little, erotic Joker jiggling around with a black line across his bottom half with 'censored' written across in white. At least, _that_ image wasn't there any more, and knowing that alone brought him to finally find his voice. Batman was hardly ever lost for words, well, being Batman and all, but that was totally something else. He coughed; clearing his throat, then began to steadily walk towards the door as the Joker put back on his clothes. "Let's . . . take a break," He rubbed his temple with his fingers.

"Hm," The Joker smirked. "Sounds good. I'll have a coffee, please."

Batman growled, hand on the door handle but turned and looked sheepishly at a now clothed Joker. "Not you. You're going back to your cell until I find the sanity within myself to interview you again after that . . . monstrosity." He appeared to turn back to stone cold Batman again, although underneath, he had the willies.

The Joker flashed the caped crusader his teeth, before proclaiming, "Oh yeah! I'm just too sexy for this interview!"

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...XD Uhm, so there we go! All processed from my innocent mind :) I hope you liked, please tell me what you thought :) This is just for fun!! So please don't flame me!


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